Guns at Walmart, Guns at Yoga.

I was thinking about guns recently. Who isn’t, amirite? In my town, a man was arrested after wandering through the aisles of Walmart, on his phone, talking about “popping people”. When police apprehended him in the lawn and garden area, they found he had guns in his backpack. Okay, so he was armed, but it wasn’t a waving-a-gun-back-and-forth situation.

I have no commentary on guns or the intention of this man, I just want to share with you the commentary on the event that I heard after the event occurred. I’m sitting at the bar of my favorite restaurant, with the best food, and the best staff and someone’s phone screen reveals the headline: Man found with loaded guns threatened to ‘pop people’ at Ky. Walmart, police say.

Now, Imagine this. 1/2 half of the patrons that surround me are avid gun owners. They believe Obama went after their guns, and they believe the price of guns and ammo is correlated with who is in office. (Guns and ammo will get cheaper when Biden leaves? IDK)

So here I am, raised with guns in the house but 100% not interested in owning or firing a gun. I have no interest in packing, or thinking I can be a hero. I’m a call-the-police-and-hide-really-well kind of gal. Plus, I could probably talk someone down faster than I can intimidate them. And if everyone walks away alive, I’m happy.

Oops, tangent. Let’s back on track.

So here I am, surrounded by gun owners and men with guns literally on their hips. I’m on the edge of my seat wondering what they have to say about a man being arrested for “making disturbing comments” .

One man says something to the effect of “the world’s gone to shit.” and “This is why I pack.” I take this to mean he’s glad the man was apprehended and considered the comments to be a valid threat. I assume he’d have kicked in to superhero mode had he been present.

Another man says “This is why I have an arsenal at home.” He then proceeds to show me an image of his favorite guns, most of which are really old and collector rifles, but apparently still operational. These two men would have developed some sort of covert plan with only a glance, right?

The interesting bit, is both see this article and think, how do I protect myself from that man? Their answer is to carry a gun. It does not cross their mind that on day, they could be a man talking angrily on a phone and be arrested for the guns in their backpack. They could be the reason fellow customers feel endangered.

Adversly, I’m sitting there thinking, if the dumbass had just left his dumbass backpack in the truck with his dumbass guns, he could have been as angry and loud on the phone as he wanted to. Walmart would have asked him to leave and that’d be the end of it. Right?

A few days later, I’m driving and see a car with bumper stickers that support guns at a traffic light right next to a car that supports pro-life and women’s rights. I’m probably listening to all this on the radio, too. Guns this, babies that, women this, men that. It’s all noise until suddenly my mind puts guns in women’s hands.

Stay with me now. I’m not talking Angelina Jolie Tomb Raider style. I’m talking women in yoga pants, carrying starbuck lattes, with shoulder holsters. Library books, sweatpants and ankle holsters. Pantsuits and briefcases concealing a weapon. “Let’s Go Girls” – Shania Twain.
Gun on one hip, baby on the other.
Gun on one hip, grocery bag on the other.
Gun on one hip, puppy training treats on the other.

Would we feel safer? Would threats to our safety see the 9mm and be deterred? Could we defend our right to protect our body any more successfully if we carried a Glock 19? Have you seen a dual tone Beretta? That is a sexy gun. I know what your thinking, you don’t actually want to shoot anyone. You don’t want anyone to steal your gun and shoot you with it. I’m with you. What if we packed a gun but didn’t even load it with ammo? Just a real gun with a real empty chamber? Or filled the guns with Hollywood blanks? Who would know the difference? Who would risk it?

Here’s a crazy idea: Would we see the guns laws we want in place, if all of a sudden men were outnumbered by women with guns? Obviously, this would be hilarious and terrible because men thinking men can have guns but not women is as sexist as it comes. But like, can we game the system and use their sexism against them? Different means, same end?

Maybe it’s time to consider a new approach to the gun issue.

P.S. I want stories where women have guns, and they don’t just carry them and use them to feel safe, but they expose the hypocrisy of owning guns to protect yourself from others who own guns. Let’s make an all female cast, who pack. Let them target shoot, and clean their guns, and accidentally shoot out a car window, or a kitchen window, and go hunting to fed their family. All things my father did with his various guns, over just my lifetime. Even better, can we highlight all the times some dumbass shoots himself at the chinese buffet? Then let’s see how it would make the male characters squirm.

P.S.S. In case anyone’s keeping track:
* I received 5 more rejections/passes for my manuscript. All standard responses. With the non-responses that’s 14 total, leaving about 6 outstanding.
* I read somewhere that 19 submissions was a good number for the odds game.
* I bribed an editor with a basket of non-sensical items, including but not limited to: one of those 10-colors-in-one ink pens, L.A. Color nail polish, astronaut ice cream, pepperoni & “chicken in a biscuit” crackers, sushi-shaped gummy food, a head scratcher, and creamy lifesavers.


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